Behind Blazing Eyes
by trypophobica
Summary: "The worst of it all, though, the brunt of it, were his eyes. They were so deep, like tunnels into the past and every time you looked into them you could see raw, greek fire burning behind his pupils." / James realizes that he's been paying attention to the wrong person all along. Slash and vulgar language planned for later chapters.
1. Couch Thoughts

**A/N: **I wrote another thing! And it's a not-that-bad thing! I'm actually really proud of it. ^w^ please read it before you close the window! i need a chance :C

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_No, no, no no..._ You yawn boredly, smashing your thumb desperately against haphazard buttons on the remote repeatedly and watching various screens and menus pop up on the TV. As much as you'd absolutely _love_ to watch another soap opera or Viagra commercial, you had been hoping to watch something that wasn't a complete bore. You had the house completely to yourself, at least for the afternoon- Kendall was out with his mom and sister(the trio were furniture shopping for a new couch), Logan was off studying in the park(as usual) with Camille, and Carlos was out and about, doing odd jobs to earn the money to pay back Ms. Knight for the couch he broke. You chuckled halfheartedly as the memory of Carlos jumping onto it from the swirly-slide balcony crossed your mind's eye. Where on earth did that silly boy get his ideas? Sighing, you settle into the couch a little bit more and begrudgingly change the channel back to the most OK thing you had seen, which happened to be an episode of iSnarly.

The more you watched the show, the more your faith in humanity dissipitated. Currently, Snarly and her friend Ham were trying to rob a butcher because they had accidentally gotten their friend Sixpence's favourite collar stuck in a cut of beef. You definitely weren't enjoying this show at all- if anything, seeing the bloody sight of post-slaughter animals on a kids show only repulsed you. But still, you watched(as if you had anything better to do) in vain as Snarly and Ham had almost gotten out of the butcher, but at the last second, Snarly had gotten her own collar stuck in the beef and was stuck. Luckily the larger dog came to the rescue and the pair fled, meat in snouts, right in the nick of time before the butcher woke up from his nap.

Nickelodeon these days.

You groan and roll over restlessly, trying to block out the sounds of barking and bad voice acting eminating behind you. Your patience was slipping, and the boredom was getting to the point where you wouldn't actually mind that much if you broke your promise to Ms. Knight about not moving or leaving the apartment until someone else got back. _Otherwise we won't be able to get back in until we can get a new house key_. The old one had been broken by the same culprit who had wrecked the other couch. You could almost hear Carlos' apologetic whimpering in the back of your mind and it crinkled your cheeks and pulled up your lips just a bit. You let out a breathy laugh at the memory of Carlos begging for Jennifer's forgiveness, and smile as you recall said mother humbly accepting his apology with "It's fine, Carlos. As long as it was an accident, right? Just be more careful next time." Carlos really was a character- short but full of energy, cute but handsome at the same time(not many people saw it, but his eyes were like a molten chocolate galaxy- easy to get lost in and even easier to trust, not to mention the fact that he had such a _rugged-as-nails_ look to him when he was under the right conditions), and a complete idiot, but at the same time, the wisest of them all. Sure, you had an IQ of 130, with the other band members not too far behind(although both invested their 121 points in things much more important than you did), but Carlos had a different kind of knowledge entirely to him: He knew how to be _happy_.

He knew how to live life to the fullest, not take anything for granted and most definitely never let any anger or resent get to him for very long. He lived like it was his last day every single day, and you respected him so much for it. In times of crisis, Kendall always spoke up first but you could always tell that Carlos thought of solutions just seconds or even minutes before anyone else did, but for whatever reason he always kept the answers to himself. Which was strange, to be honest, but you appreciated it, and you were sure that Kendall did too. Without his leadership position, what did he have? He was attractive, yes, but not in the conventional way, which was why most people were magnetized to him for reasons like wealth or fame, _not_ his lumberjack-like appearance. However, the rusky look did have a certain elagance to it. It was his signature diamond-coated smile, his 24 karat hair combined with gently sloping biceps and bronze-threaded eyebrows that made the very sight of him render you near speechless with envy, and it had a few times before.

The worst of it all, though, the brunt of it, were his eyes. They were so deep, like tunnels into the past and everytime you looked into them you could see raw, greek _fire_ burning behind his pupils. Hell, that's what Kendall was. He was _greek fire_. Burning brightly, burning green as peridots and just as clear, just as crystal, just as pure. You wished you were like that- see-through with an edge, cool and hot at the same time. You were exceptionally jealous, especially jealous of that heat, you could never compare. Kendall's a fire hazard two legs and you know it. Where he walks, a trail of glittering, molten-hot gold is left in his wake. The best that you can do is try not to step on it as you lag hopelessly behind on the attractiveess scale, watch helplessly as he climbs farther and farther away from you leaving nothing but cinders and dying stardust in his wake.

You groan tiredly and roll over again, getting slightly upset at yourself for thinking bad thoughts while you were trying to sleep. But your thoughts were all over right now, and you hated it. If Carlos had been in the house, you would have asked him to tire you out or bore you to sleep, but he wasn't here. If Mama Knight or Kendall were home, you knew one of them would get you a cup of warm milk or hot cocoa without you even having to ask to lull you into drowziness, but they weren't here. Neither was Katie, who would suggest you go find one of your cooling, spa-style eye masks that you wear sometimes when your eyes get baggy or puffy, since reduced light and cooler conditions induce sleep. Of course, Logan obviously wasn't here, or he would be reading some medical journal on the floor, sitting near you and sneaking a glance at you every so often to see if the Melatonin he would have given you had kicked in yet. You wished Logan was here. He would be the most pleasureable to deal with out of every resident in the house, despite his slightly tempermental and hypersensitive nature. When people were mentally or physically worn out, he had this soft, unbearing gaze that stripped you of all insecurities and a wonderful, low, sultry and smooth way of saying, "You can trust me." He would watch you- take care of you until the sandman took you off his hands. The last thing you would see would be the saturated chestnut portals to his mind, his gentle soul before falling asleep.

You _really _wished Logan was here. He was so different, so unlike you that you couldn't help _but_ be attracted to him. He was selfless, gorgeous, kind, a person everyone looked up to- not to mention a complete and utter ball of perserverance. He had that 'get-knocked-down,but-get-up-again' attitude. He was **nothing **like you, and that was_ exactly why you loved him_. You let out a sigh and you feel your mind begin to settle. You could only hope to be as amazing as him one day.

As your thoughts began to drift more and more, you felt yourself slip into the gray. Finally.

* * *

"So, Jamie." You smile as you feel a warm hand on your cheek, leaning into the electric touch. Logan was sitting directly across from you, mimicking your smile with warmth in his eyes. His pupils were blown with lust, rendering the amber border around them to a size where they could barely be seen. You looked around slowly, so as not to move his hand from your cheek, and you were surprised to see that you were in a restaurant. When had that happened? In your peripheral vision, you noticed Logan leaning towards you slowly. You felt yourself reciprocating to the magnetic pull, and only when your noses were inches apart did you notice his warm breath on your face, or see every single crevice and crack on those pink lips of his. You wanted to explore those lips- thoroughly. You wanted to know every in and every out of his being, his soul, but **especially** those lips. Those definitely needed digging into. Right now.

"Are you liking-" You closed the distance between you and him sharply, interrupting whatever geeky thing he was probably about to ask you. You feel him stiffen almost immediately and pull away sharply, staring at you with an expression of shock and confusion.

"James! What are you _doing_?" Your gaze snaps from side to side like a firecracker and you feel your body turn to stone, limbs to concrete and your mind to dust. Had he not wanted the kiss? You thought this had been a date! Did he hate you? He brings your attention back to him with a string of words that radiated stress. You turn your stare back to him just in time to see him strut out of the resturaunt, out of your hands, out of your life.

Panic.

"Wait! Wait, I'm sorry."

.

"James." That wasn't Logan. Or was it? The voice was so warped you couldn't tell. Everything started spinning- the walls began to melt and you could see stars in the corners of your vision. You feel yourself crumple feebly to the ground and make a valliant effort to drag yourself after Logan.

"I'm sorry."

The voice was still calling you, but it's cries were growing more and more distant, more distorted, more demonic. Suddenly it felt like there was a heavy weight on your chest- all air within you rushed out in a hurry, leaving you nearly breathless, but still not speechless.

"I'm sorry!" Was the last thought that expelled from your mouth before the floors swallowed you whole and it all faded to white.

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**A/N: **Believe it or not, but there's a plot twist coming up. xD i am exited about this, even though it's most likely just another twoshot! but still, i really really like where i'm taking this. please rate and review and be as critical as you can! thanks, i love you guys ~ :3


	2. Nightmares To Nightmares

**A/N: **Holy crap on a cracker. o.o This one was really hard to write. Just.. transitions are hard, okay?

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'"James."

It was that voice again. No, no, no! You feel yourself struggling, but that weight is still on your chest, still heavy, still dragging you down into darkness, where stars dance on the tips of your vision and red tinges the edges of your view. You shrink away from it in a feeble attempt to resist. But it's stronger. You feel it bounce on you, ripping your breath from your body and pulling bile into your throat. You blink onetwothree times in succession, stifling a sob at this feeling of helplessness. _No, no, no!_ You try to cry out, but your own voice has left you and all that comes out is a torn cry. Nothing like your own velvety sound.

"James." The voice speaks again, and suddenly, you're being shaken. "James, James, James." Your name is chanted like a mantra, each repetition shattering your eardrums and shaking you to the core.

"James.."

"James.."

"James!" Your eyes snap open and you sit up straight, and the weight immediately is lifted off of your chest. You hear an _oof_ and the sound of someone falling on the floor and sigh frustratedly. It had been a dream?

"Well, at least you're awake?" Kendall offers as he tries to get up.

"Shit! Are you hurt?" You hold out a hand.

"Just my pride," The blonde boy stammers awkwardly, grabbing your hand and using it to hoist himself up. A headache suddenly attacks your forehead, causing you to lean over in pain. The only feeling you could compare to this one was the morning after you stayed up with Carlos drinking Tequila shots until Kendall and Logan swooped in and separated you from the illicit drink as much as they could. You grunt sensitively and cover your eyes with your hands, hoping that somehow the darkness would aid in chasing away the painful throbbings in your head.

It doesn't. What _does_, however, is the hand of a certain blond rubbing up and down and up and down and upanddown the length of your back, skating delicately over each vertebrae in your spine and causing a calming ripple to pass through your head.

"Easy, James." The more aware you are of his touch on your back, the more you forget about the searing pulses that were ripping through your brain, and in turn he extinguished the pain in only a matter of minutes. Sighing contentedly, you shake your head to clear it and open your eyes again, slower this time. You feel the hand gently come off your back, along with the very last of the headache, like Kendall was some magic fix to your troubles. Looking up at said german, you grunt thankfully and pause before asking,

"Why am I here? More importantly," You continue without letting the blonde speak, "Why are _you_ here? And where's everyone else? Are they at the pool? If they're at the pool they'd better not be near sunblock girl, because we _all_ know that she's off-limits! They're not nea-"

"James!" Your speech is cut short by an impatient outburst from the other boy. "First of all, I'm the only one here. Becauuuuse," He drawls out, sensing you were going to speak(which you were), "Katie and my mom went back out to go shopping without me, and Logan and Carlos are still gone." Suddenly the reason that the Knight family had left at all springs back to your mind, and you tentataively asked,

"How'd the couch thing go? Why are they without you?" And he laughs, and you can feel your eyes lid slightly as you reciprocate it because Kendall's laugh was contagious- especially because of how ridiculous it sounded, what with it's literally sounding like the word 'ha'. Either way, you got a guffaw of your own out and repeated the question, legitimately curious.

"Well," He begins slowly, with this expression on his face- the expression of an indignant child or a stubborn puppy. "We were looking at some really nice couches at Rooms 2 Go, and.. and I got kicked out for being too handsome! So mom and Katie dropped me back off to finish the shopping by their unhandsome selves." He smiled hopefully at you, beamed with his ivory whites and you rolled your eyes.

"You jumped on the couches, didn't you?" You deadpan. He nods pathetically. Kendall's easier to read than a book, considering your long, winding history together, and it only amuses you when he tries to keep up his "holier-than-thou", untouchable attitude. You've known this kid since you were both holding rubber hockey pucks in diapers- this is the Kendall you've seen cry over the loss of a pet goldfish(in his defense, Splashy had been a significant part of the boy's life for a good three days); being left by his adultery-driven father(that cheating bastard), practically for dead, and busting his shoulder during his first hockey game(at least he'd gotten the winning shot). But all affair-engaged assholes, injuries and fallen fish aside, this was also the same kid who you had loyally stood by for 14 years through the good times as well as the bad. You had sat back and watched in jealous awe as he shined bright, casting you into the darkness of oblivion with as little as a platinum-coated smile. And you were okay with it. It wasn't like you liked being the wingman, the sidekick, the accompanying piece, but you were used to it and at this point, numb to it. While blood had returned to your normally clenched knuckles and you had stopped gritting your teeth, the rioting jealousy that had always come bubbling up in the form of bile and anger never quite went away, though, and with every solo, every cheer that was for him, you could sense the faint taste of poison in the back of the throat. With every loving glance Logan threw his way, you felt the knife in your heart twist just a little bit more, you bled a little bit more, you hurt a little bit more. Doesn't mean you weren't used to the pain. You had accepted it: you weren't good enough.

Kendall, at this point, was sitting on the other side of the only in-tact couch in the apartment. The only two things that were separating you from him right now were a single couch cushion and an air full of bad thoughts, thick and heavy and syrupy and bitter. You worry with the corner of your lip as you stare at him, longingly. You wished you had the versatile beauty that he had, the way that those gemstone eyes of his always stayed static within the heart of his ever-changing body- hair gelled up or brushed down and over, eyeliner, guyliner, all the things that hollywood had changed about him. Why couldn't you have that infinite, flawless, effortless magnetism that he posessed? Your eyes traced down his body and you felt yourself getting more and more dejected as you tallied up every perfection on his body, matching it up with an equally imperfect flaw on your own. By the time you were done, you felt nauseous with self-hatred and envy. As was the regular for a certain James Diamond, however. Shaking your head to clear it of the angst, you look up at his perfect gray-green eyes and smirk at the sight of Kendall staring back at you with a ditzy, zoned out expression on his face. He looks like he's thinking about something important, going through options in his head like a card dealer, a poker player- he just had the face of a cautious gambler right now. You slump your shoulders a little bit and cock your head, enjoying the sight of your friend in a state of reverie- vulnerable and.. less holy. A lot less holy. **Too **unholy for you to bear. You step on his foot sharply, earning a rewarding "Ow!" that was music to your ears.

"What the fuck, James?" Kendall bristles, hackles raised and all. He shrinks away from you like a wet cat and glares past his bushy eyebrows, spitting profanities at you.

"What were you thinking about?" You ask, not responding at all to his hostile attitude- you knew him way, **way** too well to read into that as legitimate anger. More than likely, he was just mad you caught him in a state of vulnerability or more probable was whatever he was thinking about had him jumpy. If this wasn't the case, the way his peridot eyes shifted slightly and he shuffled into a more upright position weren't telling you otherwise. Kendall's jaw dropped and locked slightly, as if he had been about to say something but decided against it.

"Katie." He finally responded, a matter-of-fact heavily present in his voice.

"Okay, so what were you really thinking about?"

"Nothing!"

"So it wasn't Katie, then?"

"No, it IS-"

"So Katie is nothing?"

"NO!" Kendall sighs in defeat, causing you to smile triumphantly. You lean in slowly, cocking your head in curiosity, and Kendall looks away shyly.

"Fine," He answers quietly. "I.. was thinking about.. asking you for help." Your eyebrow raised in confusion, but you said nothing. It must be something pretty embarassing if he was coming to you for help- Normally he'd go to Logan(the kid was just amazing with his smarts) or Carlos(who was pretty good at everything Logan wasn't- but he actually had a terrifyingly extensive knowledge of explosive ) because of their wider range of skill sets. He was either coming to you because you were closer to him, or because he wanted help getting laid. It was a coin flip, really. The blonde in front of you took a breath, gulped, and choked out,

"I want to ask out Logan."

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**A/N: **If It's not clear, because I tried to make it so, James likes Logan. And I guess Kendall does too, lol

Anyway, there's another cliffhanger! Rate and review(you can even flame me or be mean, as long as you're being honest!) pls, because I love you guys and the more people that read this story, the more I want to update it! My lazy butt is powered by people. :D see what I did there? anyway, love you guys /makes heart with hands


	3. Walk-ins Not Welcome

**A/N:** Lol i have no clue how long this is gonna be xD I would assume at least a four shot. I have it planned until a cliffhanger, and I wanted to end the story at it but it seems kinda cruel, doesn't it? so i was wondering what pairing you guys wanted to see. there's definitely gonna be some(at least one-sided) kogan, kames and jagan but i was wondering if you wanted to see any of the girls come in? or maybe some jatie, even though i absolutely despise that pairing?

also guise

there's ALMOST SECKS in this

its not secks

but its ALMOST

so be warned, childrens

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"I want to ask out Logan."

You felt your heart explode at these words, shattering and splintering and slicing you up from the inside out. The metallic taste of blood made it's presence on your tongue and you gulped harshly, trying to swallow back the tension that had suddenly accumulated in your throat. The pieces of your heart were stuck inside you, on the walls of your lungs and on the innards of your stomach, making your throat catch and your voice break, because Kendall liked Logan, _Kendall_ liked _Logan_ and there was no chance for you to have him now because **Kendall** was so much better than you in every single way that it's a shot to the moon if anyone **ever** picked you over those beautiful blazing eyes of his. What were you? Hazel. What was he? Talented, tall, slender but buff in all the right places, the leader figure, the irreplaceable one. What were you? No one took you seriously. You were pudgy. Gross. Useless. A **joke**. He had taken everything from you- slurped up the attention you oh-so-wanted, that you thought was rightfully yours, but didn't deserve at _all_; stole the spotlight with his amazing singing voice that he had without even trying, his voice that he didn't even take seriously when you had spent your whole life preparing to be a star- god, how was he so **effortlessly flawless**? Maybe it was better that you were eclipsed.

No wonder he got to take Logan's love from you, too. Not that you ever had it to begin with. Even without Kendall in the picture, who would want you? Wait, no- **everyone **was just _lining _up to befriend the failure, even more so to want to date him. Of **course** Logan would want you- if he had a preference for slobby idiots like you! You think sadistically to yourself, running your fingers up and down your arm angrily, self-hatred leaving angry red marks on your skin. You smile darkly at Kendall, feeling your eyes widen slightly, brimming with liquid insanity. If Kendall saw this, he didn't say anything.

"How do you need _me_ for that, Kendall?" You ask quietly, softly, the tone of your voice dripping with high-pitched hostility. Bushy eyebrows furrow in confusion, but once again if he noticed, he didn't comment on your irregular behavior.

"You're just so- so _good_ with girls, I guess I thought.. Ugh, nevermind, It's stupid." He gets up to leave.

"No, wait, what?" You lunge forward and grab his arm. What were you _doing_?! Did you want to hurt yourself even more by knowing more about this?

"I wanted to ask you for help.. like.. actually asking him out. What do I do? What do I say?" Oh, shit. Every notion in your head that had whispered sweet lies of _It's just a joke, he's just messing with you, there's no __**way**__ he wants Logan, too_ into your brain instantly dissipitated, leaving nothing but a dull pessimism that grasped your mind like brambles.

"Well," You begin, hesitantly, about to ask how and why Kendall even thinks he's gay, but then you decide it's a question for another day. "Pretend I'm Logan. Now.. talk to me."

"But that's the problem, James! I don't know-"

"Sh. I'm **Logan.**" You frame your face with your fingers, waggling them a bit to prove your point. "Lo-gan. Try again." You watch as he collects himself, hoping desperately that he'd fail miserably doing this, and worse at the real thing. You had been able to stand by and watch Kendall steal everything you had ever wanted, but you weren't sure if you could handle this.

"Um.. okay," He drawls out, eyeing you warily. "L-logan.."

"No!" You interrupt him, feigning interest. "Don't stutter. Be _confident_." Kendall narrows his eyes at you, clearly not appreciating you cutting him off. You shrug it off, figuring that it was his fault for coming to you to begin with.

"Logan." He says, and you can feel the power behind his words. _Much better_, you would say, but you knew that this was much worse- for Kendall, at least. Logan wasn't into the confident types- that's why him and Camille hadn't worked out. Her boisterous, exuberant personality clashed madly with his reserved and solitary one. They clicked _great_ as friends, just not so well as romantic partners. You square yourself to Kendall and prepare to listen to what he's saying, figuring that you should probably help him. After all, he was more worthy of Logan's love than you were- more deserving.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go see a movie?" You smile warmly, fauxly at Kendall.

"Sure! Let me just call James and Carlos and we can decide-"

"No." Kendall pushes a finger to your lips, silencing you with his firm words. Apparently this surprised the both of you, because he quickly retracts his finger and looks at you with a sheepish, apologetic glint in his eyes.

"I meant.. I mean.." He looks down at his lap, and you're surprised at how into it he's getting. Although to be fair, you were getting a little caught up in this love story, too. You glance past your net of eyelashes at Kendall, obvserving him carefully. "Look. Logan, I really like you.. and I sort of meant it like a date."

You nod slowly, narrowing your eyes slightly as you know Logan would do. You know that the smaller boy would be suspicious of pranking behavior at this point, so you rotate your head slightly away from Kendall, staring at him past the very edge of your eyes.

"So you like me, do you?" You cross your arms indignantly and Kendall looks crestfallen. _Perfect_, you smirk. You had the upper hand in this act- you were the source of the drama. You took the show where you wanted it to go, and Kendall, for once, was helpless. You _liked_ this feeling of power you had over him.

"Y-yeah! I mean, I just **said**-"

"I know what you said. But tell me," You pause. Uncross, recross your arms. Tilt your head in superiority. "If you like me, _what_ do you like about me?"

"I love your personality. You're so fucking selfless," He gesticulates wildly towards you, arms flailing like an excited gopher, "And you're an _amazing_ singer. You.. well.. there was this one time," Kendall's burns crimson, burns bright like a flaring supernova. "Remember when we went to the beach?" You nod- memories of Carlos almost getting his face stuck in a clam, Kendall spilling ice cream all over you- Logan taking it upon himself to try and get the ice cream off of you.. rubbing in tight, rough circles up, and down, and up, and down and-

"When we were all changing, I remember thinking it was the weirdest thing that you and James were wearing boarding shirts in 90 degree weather." Your heart- whats left of the misery magnet, anyway- drops. Where was he going with this..?

"Then, Carlos and James finished early.. a-and.." He worries his lip with his teeth, running his tongue smoothly across the pink skin and _gulping_. "I saw.. Your sleeve slipped up a little bit, and you pulled it back down so quickly- but I saw them, all of those scars.." You feel yourself panic slightly. No, no! Kendall wasn't supposed to know about Logan's problem! Or yours, for that matter. It was supposed to be a shared secret, something you could keep close and think _well, Kendall may have everything else, but at least Logan and I have this fucked up habit in common._

"They were so.. Logan, they broke my heart. But that's how I fell for you- because you were broken. You're so beautiful because of it.. and I know how gay I sound right now," He chuckles half-heartedly, "But I can't help it." You blink slowly, feeling mesmerized And every time you smile, I look into your hazel eyes, and I can't help but notice.. they're not smiling with you." You're so lost, so in awe of the speech he delivered, so encaptured by his sweet words and the beautiful, loving expression in his eyes, that you don't realise that you're rubbing the very tight sleeve of your shirt until you feel a rough hand nudge your own away, undoing the button holding the long, plaid sleeve to your skin.

Your brain is overloaded, you're paralyzed with awe, asphyxiated with fear, and you don't know which one to act upon. He reaches forward, gently pushing up on the sleeve until it's bunched up at your shoulders, revealing row after paralell row of scarred, broken skin. You hear Kendall's breath hitch as he looks down at your arm and finally realises that it's not Logan's arm, it's your arm, and suddenly.. something sparks between you. Like a pair of jump cables was connected between your hearts, suddenly it all makes sense. Every reason that Kendall was loved just made sense- and all malice, all grudges that you held towards him melted away and were replaced, just like that, with pure adoration and warmth. He gently runs his thumbs over cut after cut and his gaze follows the trail of pain up your arm, finally stopping to look into your hazels eyes. It takes you both a second, but then another realisation dawns upon you:

"Logans eyes aren't hazel." You both breathe out at the same time, and you're leaning forward, eyes are lidding and suddenly- _contact_. The kiss is chaste and rough but that's what makes it good, so good and you can't get enough. It's gentle but firm, and Kendall could use some chapstick but it's your first guy kiss and it's _Kendall_. At the same time, though, it's exactly how you imagined kissing Logan and that's why you love it so much. You can feel a warm hand cupping your cheek and you invoulantarily make a noise at this, something between a moan and a squeak and in response Kendall makes the sound of a sexually exited teenaged girl. You groan in pleasure as Kendall forces his tongue into your mouth and you topple over onto the couch. Blood is drumming in your ears, as if playing out a song for the battle you _know_ is about to break out because seriously, why are you both kissing if you like Logan?

But as your eyes go from being screwed shut to gently resting in contentment, you realise that the more you think about Logan, the less attractive he gets. It's _Kendall, Kendall, Kendall_ who's name reverberates in your ears, echoes and bounces across the chambers of your bones, resounds through the catacombs of your broken heart. And you can't help but think having a broken heart isn't that bad, because without one, Kendall wouldn't have any pieces to pick up, and everybody knows that Kendall has a white knight complex.

You feel a stirring within you. Acting upon it, you push harshly against Kendall, flipping your positions so that you're on top. Now _your_ tongue is in **his** mouth, _you _are dominant. You are in control for once, and that's exactly how you like it. So then it's _your_ hips that grind into his, friction between pants that were damp and clammy with liquid exhiliration, _your_ knee that was being shoved between his thighs, unnaturally warm and tense. It's all easy touches and known positions for you two, because if you've done it with girls, how hard can it be to do it with a guy? You pull away for a second to wipe sweat off your brow, but when you lean in to kiss him again, to relieve the sexual tension in the air, he ducks away from you, blonde hair flopping voluminously along with him. Instead, he reaches up and presses a kiss to the crook of your neck, causing you to shudder invoulantarily. One hand around the back of your neck, and _he's_ in control again, pulling you down until your bodies are pressed together like puzzle pieces.

He's kissing everywhere but your face now, lips pressing galactical sensations on every inch of your face. Suddenly a firm hand grabs your ass and presses you even closer against his crotch, and you're delighted to feel mutually blossoming boners in your southern hemispheres. Panting heavily, you grab a fistful of hair and forcefully pull Kendall's head up to yours, slamming your lips together in bruise-worthy contact. He moans at the impact and soon enough, all details are lost and the Knight's only good couch is soon.. not so good. Or at least, not in the cleanliness department. You're a tangle of limbs, hormones, lips and forgotten hatred. Your ears are trained now to hear _only_ the sound of his breathing, your senses focused to only feel the rise and fall of his body, his existence, and your lips are numb to all tastes but the salty bitter of Kendall Knight. You somehow ended up back in a sitting position, with Kendall straddling you and your palms rubbing forceful, pleasureable circles around his crotch area, feeling the moisture of precum on your skin and god it felt good because this was _Kendall_ and he was puddy in your hands, nothing like the saint he normally made himself out to be and knowing that made you happier than a homosexual clam.

* * *

Eventually, the making out winds down, way down to the point where you're both just sitting, panting, enjoying each other's company. Kendall has his ankles locked with yours and he's sitting close enough to you to be considered partially in your lap, and you smirk. You haven't said a single word to each other for hours, letting your actions speak for themselves, but right now you could tell that you were both anxious about one thing, or rather, one nerdy, short, quarter of Big Time Rush. Kendall looks at you with those beautiful green eyes of his and your apprehensions release slightly. How could you feel bad when staring at such beautiful eyes with such a protective glint in them? Hesitantly, Kendall leans forward, and.. contact. But this time it's not sexual, there's no tension. It's just a release of nerves and you can't help but melt into it-

You hear a choked gasp come from the entrance of the apartment, and you spring away from Kendall fast enough to make your skin fly off, but it doesn't. You look up and see Logan standing in the doorway, staring at you with a broken expression on his face. You look up at him, his sad brown eyes, and your gaze darts down to his pocket, where you can see his wallet portruding from the thin material of his pants. Logan looks frozen, you don't know what the issue is but all you want to do is give him a hug. You look over at Kendall quickly and realise, what were you _doing_? He wasn't better than Logan!

"Logan.."

"It's not what it looks like!" Kendall rattles off speedily, managing to spit out a whole sentence before you got one word out. The small brunet is motionless, unresponsive. Suddenly, sudden enough to make both you _and_ Kendall flinch, he flies out the door, not uttering a single word before he did so.

"James.." Kendall begins hesitantly.

"I think we broke him."

* * *

**ARGH WRITING IS HARD**

**wait**

**what pairing though**

**like seriously you guys i dont even know what im doing with this anymore**

**i hate logan pairings a lot bc hes just such an asshole in real life he ruined it for me in the show**

**but i mean he's so hot**

**aAAGH DILLEMA**


End file.
